No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
