I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
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He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
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That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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