You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
