just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
