Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Randomize
