9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
