His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
