I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
