my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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