God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
