Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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