How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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