Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
