he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
