he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
