I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
