allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
