i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
one two three fourrrrnication!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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