a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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