I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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