Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
