YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
