I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
