You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
