i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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