I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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