Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
