i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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