no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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