His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
