Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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