FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
