I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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