Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
