I'm jealous of your bromance
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Who died my cat blue again?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
