You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
