i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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