He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
