I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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