that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
