Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
