Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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