I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
