Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
