Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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