She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
