I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
