Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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