What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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