so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
