how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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