quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
