Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
