OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You dont lie about slip and slides
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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