Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
