is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
