i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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