YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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