There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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