Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
