Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Drunk is a universal language darling
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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