I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
