Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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