Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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