I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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