why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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