you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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