NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.