You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
