I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing