1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...