Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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